Learning To Live
by MadnessReturns
Summary: Stephanie Deals with a loved ones death while being pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm Maddy! I'm new to writing fanfiction but definitely not to reading it! I've been lurking around this site for years. I came across this story a long time ago and have loved it ever since but it was never completed. After a huge internal debate I sent an email to the original author (Skylla1231) and she has given me permission to edit/continue this story through to the end.

I know it won't be as good as if she wrote it herself but hopefully completing it will earn me some brownie points *wink*

The first fifteen chapters are from the original story with just some editing so I'll upload two or three everyday (to give me more time to get my ducks in a row) then on to new material!

For those unaware _Learning to Live_ takes place right after her other story _Leaving_ so please go read that first if you haven't already.

Chapter One

It felt as though the sky was mourning with me, I thought sadly. The wind and rain had picked up since we started driving back to Rangeman. Every few yards thunder boomed above and lightning flashed all around us.

I was sitting in the passenger's seat of the Explorer looking out the window as Tank drove. I watched as a raindrop traveled its way down the tinted window, slowly increasing in size as it picked up more water, until it slid down the side of the door, out of my sight.

I was absentmindedly tracing circles over my stomach to try to calm down. It was ironic that the only thing keeping me grounded was also making me an anxious wreck. How was I going to tell three of my best friends that I was pregnant by the man we just buried?

Admitting it to myself and saying it out loud were two different things.

_Take a deep breath_, I mentally prepared myself. _You can do this. They're your friends. They love you and they will love this baby._

_Just breathe._

"Are you ok, Steph?" I jumped at the sound of Tanks voice. He couldn't have spoken louder than a whisper but I wasn't exactly expecting it either. No one had said a word since we got into the car.

The soft tone of his voice reminded me all too much of the last _Babe _that I heard.

Dammit. I tried to control them but I felt more tears begin to pool in my eyes. One blink sent a hot tear trailing down my face. Followed by another. And another. And another.

Angry at myself, I frantically wiped them away.

_No_, I yelled at myself. Stop it. No more crying. I need to be strong now. I need to make Ranger proud. I need to make our son proud.

"Beautiful?" Lester spoke up from the seat behind me, when I didn't say anything.

I opened my mouth to tell them I was fine but no words came out. Clearing my throat, I tried again. "I...," my voice was hoarse from crying so much today, "I need to tell you guys something."

"You know you can tell us anything," Bobby, who was sitting next to Lester, spoke for the first time. "What is it?"

"I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." Taking a few deep breaths I finally told them what I had kept secret for so long. "I'm . . . I'm pregnant."

Silence.

Pure, unadulterated silence. Not even the weather was making any noise. The thunder had stopped. The rain turned into a light drizzle. The wind had all but dissipated.

"Guys, please." I half whispered, half begged. "Please say something. Anything. Yell at me, congratulate me. I don't care. Just please say _something_."

Still nothing. No one spoke. No one moved. I wouldn't be surprised if they had stopped breathing.

It was as if time stood still.

By this time we were pulling into the Rangeman garage. Tank didn't even bother parking in a spot. As soon as the back end of the car was past the gate he threw the car in park. He didn't even shut off the engine before he was out of his door and opening mine.

His hands gripping my shoulders were as hard as his voice when he spoke. "Are you sure Stephanie?" He was too close but he moved one hand to hold my chin in place when I tried to look away. "Are you sure?"

Fear started to creep up my back from the look in Tanks eyes. I couldn't name it. It was too intense to identify. It left me completely speechless.

When I didn't answer he gave me a little shake. This time when he spoke, his voice was a little gentler. "Are you sure, Stephanie?"

Now he looked . . . almost pleading. Pleading for what I was too sure. Did he want me to be pregnant? Or did he wish I wasn't pregnant?

Still unable to speak, but understanding I had to answer him, I slowly nodded my head.

A second later my seatbelt was unhooked and I was out of the car suspended in midair. Looking down at Tanks face below me, I saw relief, joy, and . . . tons of love. So much love was shining in his eyes.

"I knew that son of a bitch wouldn't leave us like that," Tank said as he brought me down into his arms and hugged me. "I knew it. I just knew it."

I don't know how many times he repeated those words but they helped ease a little of the pain in my heart. He already loved the little miracle inside me as much as he loved Ranger, his brother in almost every sense of the word.

I wound my suddenly shaky arms around his neck and moved my lips close to his ear. "It's a boy Tank. I can feel that it's a boy."

When I pulled back to see his face again, what I saw will stay with me for the rest of my life. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

The concern I felt must have shown on my face because Tank started laughing and said, "These are tears of joy Bombshell. I couldn't be any happier right now." He pulled my head back down on his shoulder and spoke quietly so only I could hear. "You don't know what this is going to mean to all the guys. Losing Ra . . . losing Ranger put a huge whole in all of us. We're all still hurting but this baby, this amazing baby boy, is going to change all that. He's gonna help make us all a little more whole again. You wait and see Stephanie. We'll be ok now. You'll be ok. I promise you, with everything I am, I will always take care of you and this baby."

That had to have been the longest speech Tanks had ever said in front of me. And the most beautiful too. This time I willingly let the tears flow from my eyes. This time though, just like Tanks, they were tears of joy.

"I will too," Lester said from behind me.

Surprised I looked up and saw what had to have been all of the Merry Men standing around the parking garage, looking at me with love and affection.

"We all will," Bobby added with a giant smile.

A chorus of "Yeah", "Always", "You can count on us", and "Definitely" flowed out to me.

"Come on Tank. You had your turn. Give the rest of us ours," someone from the back called out.

"Tank always did suck at sharing." That definitely came from Hal.

Tank started laughing along with everyone else and soon I started laughing too. I can't even remember the last time I laughed. It felt amazing.

Gently Tank put me back on my own feet, but no sooner had my shoes touched the ground was I swept up into Lester's arms. "I can always count on you to turn a bad day good Beautiful." He smiled at me, but it was quickly replaced by a serious expressions. "I meant it Stephanie. I'll be here whenever you need help. You and Ranger have done so much for me. It's about time I start to pay you back."

Confused I asked, "Ranger I get, but what I done for you?"

Pulling me back into his arms with my head underneath his chin, he whispered "Everything, Beautiful. You've done everything."

I didn't have any time to think about that because Lester gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and passed me off to Bobby.

"Congratulations, Angel." His smile was infectious.

I smiled back but threw in an eye roll too. "Thank you Bobby, but you know I'm no Angel. How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"You're wrong, Steph. You just proved you _are _an Angel," he said as he placed a hand on my still somewhat flat stomach.

Next was Cal, then Ram, then Woody, and so on and so on until I was hugged and congratulated by all the Merry Men around.

They were my co-workers, my friends, my family.

"Now that you told us, you've got to tell yours and Ranger family." Lester said with a sly smile on his face.

Everyone broke out into laughs from the look on my face.

My tormentors, I added to the list.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Is this necessary? Is this _really _necessary?" I asked again.

We were all back in Tanks Explorer heading to Ranger's parents house. By we I mean Tank, Lester, Bobby and I. Without even consulting me, they loaded me into the car and started driving.

"I mean I know I have to tell them some time but can't I wait after an ultrasound, I think that what it's called. Right, Bobby? You're a medic. You should know these things. I mean wouldn't they want proof? Did you ever think of that? What if they don't believe me? What if they don't _want_ to believe me? In that case I'll have the ultrasound picture with me. Ta Da! Proof! See, it makes sense. Proof. We need _proof_!"

No response. I wasn't even sure if they were listening at this point.

"Why are you guys ignoring me? Say something already!"

I swear Tank sighed. Tank _never _sighed.

"Beautiful, you have to tell them sooner or later. The sooner the better. They're hurting as much as we are, including you. They need to know." Lester's voice was gentle but firm.

"I know that Lester," I said with my own sigh. "I know. But it's late and I don't think I can do this yet. I'm not ready. I was barely ready to tell you guys. Please. I can't face them. Not . . . not today." By the end, my voice started cracking.

Tears once again filled my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I blink them back. Most of them anyways, the rest I quickly wiped away with the back of my hand.

"Soon," Tank demanded. "No longer than a week. They deserve to know. They need to know."

"Soon," I promised.

"There is something else we need to talk about, Angel." Bobby said after Tank took a turn back to Rangeman. By the tone of his voice I could tell I wasn't going to like where this was going. "What would that be?" I asked slowly, cautiously.

Tank continued for Bobby. Stupid ESP. "Your work and living arrangements."

Oh God. I hadn't even thought about those yet. I can't keep bounty hunting while I'm pregnant! What if something happens? _When_, I corrected myself. What would I do then? It would only be a matter of time with my luck. And my apartment! It's as much of a magnet for trouble as I am. Plus there's no room in there for a baby! How could I raise a baby there? How could I raise a baby without a job? Without a home? Oh God! I'm a bad mom! My child's not even born and I'm already screwing up. I can't do this. God there is no way I can do this!

I dimly heard someone calling my name. "God damn it Stephanie, relax!" The voice got louder. "It's going to be ok." Lester? What's he saying?

It was then that I noticed the car had stopped and my door was open. Lester was holding my hands. His concern was palpable.

I tried to ask what was wrong but no words came out. I'm not even sure if my mouth opened. His lips started moving again so I focused on listening to him. ". . . That's it, Beautiful. Focus on me. Breathe with me, ok? In and out. Just like that. Keep on breathing."

Why was my breathing so ragged? What just happened? And why is my heart pounding so freaking fast? What was happening to me? I was really starting to scare myself.

"Fuck." Lester cupped my face with his hands, making me focus on him again. "Stephanie! Stay with me here! Breathe. In and Out. In and Out. Don't think about anything else. Just focus on me. In and Out. There you go, Beautiful. That's it. You're doing good. In and Out."

He kept repeating everything over and over again. Slowly, it could have been minutes or it could have been hours, my breathing steadied and my heartbeat dropped back down to normal.

"What happened," I asked in complete wonder.

Lester's hands dropped from my face, and once again held my hands slowly running circles around them with his thumbs. The movement kept me relaxed. "It seems like you had a panic attack there, Steph. All of a sudden you started gripping the arm rests like your life depended on it and your breathing went crazy. Tank had to pull over. You started to turn purple because you weren't getting enough oxygen." His voice dropped below a whisper. "You scared me, Beautiful."

"You scared all of us," Tank corrected.

Surprised, I turned my head and saw Tank and Bobby standing to the right of the open door with the same concerned look Lester had.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I-I don't know what happened." I hadn't realized I started crying again until Lester took used his thumbs to gently wipe my tears away.

"It's ok, Angel. You're alright now. Do you remember the last thing you heard, or thought about?" Bobby asked already in doctor mode.

"I don't . . ." I paused trying to think.

"Take your time, Angel. Relax. It'll come back, just take your time."

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Bits and pieces came back.

"You . . . you said we needed to talk about something." I opened my eyes and looked at Bobby. He gave me a small smile and nodded for me to continue. "When I asked what, Tank started saying things about my job . . . and my apartment."

"Good, Stephanie. Now do you remember what you were thinking after we said that?"

I closed my eyes, and leaned my head against the seat, wishing that I didn't remember. Seeing me nod my head, Bobby continued, "Ok. What were you thinking Steph?"

When I didn't say anything Lester squeezed my hands tighter until I opened my eyes and looked at him. I felt horrible that I was causing all the worry on his face. "Let us help you. We can't help you unless you tell us what's wrong, Beautiful."

After a seconds hesitation, I blurted out, "I'm a bad mom." They only got a piece of that since my voice could have rivaled a two pack-a-day smoker. Silently, after Lester released one of my hands, Tank handed me an open bottle of water. I took a few small sips, handed it back to Tank and placed my hands back in Lester's. I need the contact. Lester started running his thumbs over my hands again. " I'm a bad mother. I can't keep doing my job as a bounty hunter. I can't risk anything happening to the baby. And my apartment is a death trap. I can't live there anymore. So now I have no job and nowhere to live. How can I raise a baby with no job and no where to call home? Don't you see? I'm already a horrible mother!"

"Beautiful..."

"Angel..."

"Bombshell..."

"No. Don't make excuses for me. I'm a bad mom and I haven't even done anything yet! Imagine what I'll be like when he's born! He'll hate me!" While I talked, more and more tears started falling down my cheeks and it wasn't long before I was full out sobbing. Lester lifted me out of the seat, sat down himself, and cradled me into his arms.

"Shhh. Shhh. Por favor, deje de llorar, Beautiful. Todo será bien. No se preocupe. Todo será bien, te lo prometo. Te lo prometo," he whispered into my ear, rocking me gently. He repeated that once more time before he started humming some random tune. I don't know how long it took but eventually my crying quieted down until there was only an occasional hiccup.

"I want to be a good mom. I don't want him to hate me, Lester," I said quietly. Looking into his, Bobby's and Tanks eyes I saw amused disbelief and lots of support.

"You will be the most amazing mom, Beautiful. Don't ever doubt that. You're not that far along. And not to mention all that's happened, of course you haven't considered that stuff yet. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Other things have been on your mind. And your child could never hate you. No one could hate you. Not even if they tried." His voice dropped so low at the last sentence, almost as if he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"He's right, Angel. It's ok. You haven't done anything wrong."

"You just accepted your pregnancy and told us about it. You didn't have time to plan anything yet. Don't worry though," Tank patted my knee, "that's what we're here for. I told you back in the garage that we'll always be there for you and this baby boy. We meant it."

The wave of relieve that rolled through me was dizzying. My eyes started to feel heavy so I closed them and leaned my head back on Lester's shoulder. "Thank you. All of you. I don't know how I'd get through this without you."

"You'll never have to find out, Angel."

Lester spoke again. "It's been a long day, Beautiful. What do you say we get you into bed, ok? You and the baby need a good rest."

"Mmk," I mumbled into his neck. Listening to car doors opening and closing and an engine starting was the last thing I heard before I passed out.

The next thing I knew, I was being carried in someones arms but I didn't bother to open my eyes. I'm not even sure I could have if I tried. An elevator door opened and a second later closed. A few moments passed before they whooshed open again and I was carried somewhere. Room doors opened as we moved through the area. I was gently placed on my side on a soft, comfortable bed. Someone took my shoes off. My jacket, hair clip, and jewelry followed quickly. Covers were pulled over me and I was tucked in.

"Goodnight," a gentle voice whispered against my temple.

"No," I whined, blindly reaching for whoever was with me. "Stay. Please. I don't want to wake up alone again. Not today." I said sleepily.

Mumbled voices talked around me but I couldn't make out what was said or who said it.

Just when I thought I was going to have to ask again, I felt the covers lift and a warm body slid in next to me, pulling me against itself.

"Sleep." The warm body gently demanded.

No sooner had the word left his mouth had I succumbed to the darkness.

* * *

><p>Por favor, deje de llorar, Beautiful. Todo será bien. No se preocupe. Todo será bien, te lo prometo. Te lo prometo.<p>

Please stop crying, Beautiful. It will be ok. Don't worry. It will be ok, I promise. I promise."


End file.
